I hope you will agree with me and say relationships are hard, but for the most part well worth the time and effort put forth. In all honesty, lets just say I don't envy your job of breaking the ice when it comes to romantic ventures. Women can attest to that rejection is a difficult pill to swallow no matter the situation, but when you throw your heart into the mix, well... you might as well just own stock in ice cream, or maybe one of those redbox video things to help ease the pain.
So unless you're fabulous at things like pre-organized sappy/angry love songs play list, or own stock in ice cream, or can offer unlimited free video rentals we really want to avoid rejection at all costs. Point of the story is,that in this dating mine field we have come to in 2012, rejection is a part of the game. I read in Cosmo, a man will look at you for 8 seconds if he is interested in getting to know you, but will size you up sexually in as little as 3 seconds....
Sweeties, we do the same. As much as we dare not admit. We can size up the best of them in the same time frame and place you gentlemen into subsequent categories. Douche bag, no work ethic/lazy, level of maturity, education, player... just to name a few. Like I stated before, we don't like to, I would rather not, but in the dating world right now, even if women are adamant they don't have a list of criteria... They do, and if you are missing huge check marks, we will walk on by, or reject your advances.
It's a jungle out there, and we're honey badgers....
This article wasn't meant to say what we already know, more so as a way to step up every one's game, and turn our ERA (earned rejection average) to lower percentages. I know in baseball the higher the ERA, the better, but it's reverse in the dating world. So without further adu, here's a few call signs to master before you pitch to us. Remember you're looking for a strike, not a strike out.
1. call sign gpaw.... If you are old enough to legally be our father, don't hit on us. It's just gross. I know we have fluke age gaps that work, but for the most part if you were legally able to drink and I was just being born, I'm not going to date you. I may let you buy me a drink, I'll smile but that's it. I have no interest in becoming a trophy wife to a AARP client.... no offense.
2. call sign snazzyshirt... Ladies love a well dressed man, but simplicity is the key to winning that game. You will never go wrong with a simple button down and jeans. You can never go wrong with a classic fitted suit. You can never go wrong with cargo/board shorts (summer) and a solid crew cut tee. Show us your personality in your shoes, socks, boxers, ties, watches, hats...and maybe, maybe a slightly funny tee-shirt. So if the majority of your wardrobe consists of something that looks like a tonor accident and your sister's bedazzler, let it go. please just let it go.
*** side note, it you could purchase your pants in the girls section, it probably means we can snap you like a twig, and we will walk away. Think about it. Something happens, and the girl needs a change of clothes. Mighty embarrassing if she can't fit into anything of yours due to it being too skinny... and we look hot in your clothes, btw.... I mean really imagine us in your button down....
3. call sign tackyintro.. We don't need some stupid pick up line. A simple, direct, complementative, and to the point intro works wonders.... I will risk mortification and let you hear some I have experienced as a WAKE UP CALL FOR WHAT NOT TO DO~
1. Drive Thru: May I have some ketch up please? May I have your number....
2. Oh look at your eyes, you're a golden goddess
3. Grabbed by the arm, yanked away from friends and asked where had I been all his life.
Um, One he was drunk, Two.. random stranger.
Um, One he was drunk, Two.. random stranger.
Yes, those were attempts made to pick me up at various locations. i gave them the eff off face and walked away, or I gave them the dear in headlights look and scattered. Either worked. Boys, remember casual, simple... Hello I'm ....... I've noticed your (shoes, bag, earrings) NOT BODY PARTS, and tell her they look great. Then say Hello I'm... Ask for a recommendation, (restaurant, wine, book, travel destination) we love to help. All you need is an appropriate in, and if she likes what she sees/hears she stick around.
4. callsign humorme: Trust me, when I say we can tell genuine humor vs. trying to hard. We can also tell if you have a quick wit (which we love, if the barbs thrown are carefully monitored) We don't like to be insulted.
5. callsign waiterhater: Oh, if you're rude to the wait staff, door attendant, valet, busboy, random people. You'll be rude to us. Had a date go not so well. We decided mutually to call it. No attraction, but upon leaving he walked in front of me, and let the door slam on me upon exiting. He was also curt with the waitress. Most of us have had to work service jobs, and if you are lacking morals/values/common decency... well will kick you to the curb. ( the valet even said he was an ass, after his car was delivered)
7. callsign skunkdrunk: We get it, you've probably have had a bad day... Maybe even a couple bad days, but please remember when you are inebriated... the ratio of strike outs vs strikes goes up exponentially higher. You slur your words, you spill your drink and you get bold and handsy... No Thank You. Bring a drink wing man, who will cut you off appropriately.
6. callsign rescuehelp: Look out at your fine establishments for the guys pulling all these call signs, and be on the lookout for the rescuehelp face. Usually we are not making eye contact, we are closed off, looking around for an out. We are usually way too uncomfortable at this point or the dude's not taking the hint. A simple, There you are, I've been looking all over for you, and the possessive arm drape across our shoulders will clue in the other guy. We will be so grateful, you'll already have a funny in with us. we might even buy you a drink....or two.
Finally... sometimes it's just call sign mylifeisbusy.. Ultimately if you are not pulling the above stunts, and you're a pretty decent guy, the sheer fact for a rejection is simply there is too much stuff going on to give a relationship the proper time. Who knows what we could be dealing with, potential lay offs, health crisis, family drama, and an intro is usually not the time for the stage five clinger dossier. A cool way, would be to simply say, That's too bad, I think we would have a great time together. If you ever change your mind, please look me up as you hand her your business card. Tell her to enjoy her night, and walk away. Trust me, she will remember that... and you might just get a schedule reorganization to fit you in.
Permission to flyby...
Negative Ghost Writer
Permission to flyby...
Negative Ghost Writer
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